spiritual warfare

Until now i never really understood what spiritual warfare really meant nor did i understand it but now this is my theory.

I am at this point in my life that i want to rededicate my life to serving Jesus. I have not been living the way i should nor doing what i know in my heart is right. I have decided to make that change and live the way that God would want me to live and to follow his ways and his path as well. I want to be baptised so that i can wash away all the old wounds and scars and the old me and bring in the new me. Let me take a step backwards for just a minute and explain things a little. I was raised a Catholic so i have been baptised and confirmed and went to a catholic school, but for reason of my own i decided that being catholic wasn't for me, i will not go into details because i don't criticise any ones religious beliefs it just wasn't for me. I believe things differently now then i did back then. Some now would say I'm a southern baptist.
I have been attending church faithfully for about a year going to Sunday school and joined the church choir. I have learned many things by attending church and from close friends their at church and reading my bible that has made me question my salvation. I keep asking my self have i truly been saved? i know that i have said the prayer and excepted Christ into my heart as my savior but does that truly make me a saved christian? well i know that i am a christian by all means but i still have the longing for something. Theres just something missing out of my life something that is not yet been completed.

Our preacher at church every Sunday morning gives an invitation and some of the words he says feels as if he is talking directly to me even though his back is too me because being in the choir we sit behind him. I just know and feel as if he is talking to me. But these words play over and over in my head like a recording that just wont stop. " are there people out there that know in the heart of hearts that they haven't been living the God would want you too then I'm talking to you come right now to the altar and i will turn off my mic and meet you there." I so want to run down that isle and scream to the top of my lungs me! me! me! oh dear Jesus that is me and i want to serve you . I want to rededicate my life to serving you Jesus in every way possible. i Know that i haven't been doing right but i have changed all that and I'm doing the right thing and making it right by you. I want to be baptised and submerged under water and wash away all the old wounds and scars and bring in my new life with Jesus and walk his path. I want to share with everyone what i have learned about Jesus and what he can do for them. But as i sit there listening to him I feel as if someone has dropped a million tons of bricks in my lap holding me down and then i hear this voice telling me, not today lissa not ever those people will laugh at you and ridicule you. those people don't care about you they are not your friends. God doesn't want you. those people don't want you here at their church, and by the time the voices quit the invitation is over and yet once again I've missed my chance to do what i have been wanting to do for so long now.

I have learned just this morning from my sweet sister rachel this is the true meaning of spiritual warfare. I have two powers fighting each other for my soul. This makes me feel so honored and special because i know that God loves me enough to continue that battle with Satan. I know that God will win he has so much more strength than Satan could ever think about having. Yet i ask myself when will this spiritual tug of war end? I want those bricks to be lifted off my lap and run down that isle and say me me me i want to serve my Jesus now and forever.

This my dear friend is the spiritual warfare I'm encountering in my life as of right now. My true christian friends please pray for me that this battle will be over soon so that i too can start my new life with Jesus and start to serve him.

Philippians 4-9

rejoice in the lord, for he is near. Do NOT be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer petition, with thanksgiving present you request to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Finlay brother whatever is true and knowledgeable, whatever is right and pure, what ever is lovely and admirable- anything that is excellent or praiseworthy- think about these things. Whatever you have learned and received from me or seen in me- put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

sincerely yours
lissa